It wasn’t that long ago, psychotherapy and language deemed to be psychobabble was not in our parlance. Kids were told to ‘suck it up’ at the first sight of a quivering lip. Couples were told to stay together for the kids — ’you know how men/women are.’
You were crazy or loopy or schitzo if you demonstrated even a modicum of moodiness. Menstruation, the full moon, hysterical uterus’ (uteri ?), were all credible causes of crankiness. The culture, et al. didn’t know how to frame mental health so it was often assigned as the punchline, or a cautionary, terrifying, tale.
There were a few breakthrough radio shows, with expert shrinks who gave out insight and thoughtful advice. There was Phil Donahue who dared to bring some compassion to afternoon chat shows. And then she arrived on our screens: Ms. Oprah Winfrey. It was 1986 and the world was about to get all the feels.
Oprah talked about subjects that spanned the sublime to the ridiculous but she shed light on topics I had never heard discussed openly before. Oprah is still bringing us into the light with her most recent contribution to the conversation on mental health: The Me You Cant See, on AppleTV.
Today, I hear 14 year olds talking about their Love Languages and Personality Type. I will often recommend my patients take an Enneagram Assessment for improved self awareness, or an Ayurveda questionnaire if they are complaining of psychosomatic symptoms and/or struggle with eating disordered behaviors.
Another assessment I find useful is screening for Highly Sensitive Personality traits. This personality, not disorder, is found in 15 to 20% of the population, according to HSP expert, Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D. yet can often be interpreted as fragile millennials making ‘excuses.’
When I share the results with parents whose child has scored high in HSP traits, I am often either met with indifference or “I’m not going to tip-toe around my kid because she’s sensitive, THAT’S RIDICULOUS!”
Among many traits, a Highly Sensitive Child:
*Is easily overwhelmed by bright lights, strong smells, coarse fabrics, or loud noises.
*Gets upset when they have a lot to do in a short amount of time.
*Avoids violent movies and TV shows.
*Withdraws during busy days to have privacy and relief.
Their sensitivity is not something you have to believe in to be true, it just is, and denying another person’s reality is how we got into this dysfunction, remember? Effectively, adults are still telling children (or our inner child) to ‘suck it up!’
And suck it up we do. We drink alcohol and take drugs, and shop, and gamble, and eat- we suck it all up just so we can stuff it all down.
More people are having informed, nuanced, and honest conversations about mental health disorders (and their treatments) but we have a long way to go. There is still a huge disparity in access and acceptance of psychiatric and psychotherapeutic interventions. Parents are often misguided as to why their child is struggling. Individuals fail to ask for help and live with shame. White Americans have higher rates of suicide than most other racial and ethnic groups.
We are a light year away from 1986 but in the next 25 years, I hope we are encouraged to let it out.
Comments